You've got a strong Personality...Disorder?

By Dr. Eun Paik | Published February 19^th, 2010, 10:34 AM

Unless you've been living in a cave your entire life, everyone's dated one, worked with one or met one - the party girl, the loner, the eccentric, the snob, to name a few. These personalities make up a common cast of characters in modern society, but when does a personality go from being "colorful" to being off-putting?

The Diagnostic Statistical Manual defines disorders of personality as enduring, pervasive, inflexible patterns of behavior that lead to distress or impairment in occupational and social functioning. These disorders differ from the organic mood and psychotic disorders as the pathology stems more from the environment versus a neurochemical defect, but they can be every bit as crippling if not more so. You may recognize some of the people you know in the following descriptions, perhaps even yourself.

Paranoid Personality Disorder: "The Suspicious Type"

This is the person who constantly expects the worst from everyone. Without any evidence to support their suspicions, they are always on guard against being exploited, harmed or deceived. When they're not on the lookout for those out to get them, they spend their time questioning the loyalty or trustworthiness of their friends and family. Due to their constant mistrust of the world, people with Paranoid Personality Disorder are hesitant to confide in others for fear that any information given in confidence will be used against them.

In everyday situations, Paranoids often react in a hostile manner because they attribute hidden threats or personal attacks to benign remarks or events. If they think their character or reputation is under attack, be warned. Though the supposed slight is not apparent to others, not only will Paranoids attack back, they'll also bear a grudge and never let their accuser forget it. Sustaining a romantic relationship is often difficult for these people because they continually suspect their partner of infidelity without any justification.

Schizoid Personality Disorder: "The Loner"

You probably don't see much of this personality type, as Schizoids prefer to be by themselves. If you can catch a glimpse of this recluse, what becomes clear is that these people are relatively indifferent to socializing with others (even family) and display a very restricted range of emotional expression. As a result, they tend to pick hobbies that don't require interaction with others (think of the stereotypical nerd who likes to stay at home and build computers).

Schizoids seem to take pleasure in few activities, have few friends or confidants other than first degree relatives, and have little interest, if any at all, in having sexual relationships. Whether you compliment them or criticize them, nothing really fazes them and they're definitely not the type you turn to if you want a shoulder to cry on, as they come off as cold, detached or flat, with an inability to read the emotions of others.

Schizotypal Personality Disorder: "The Eccentric"

Like Schizoids, this group has discomfort with and reduced capacity for close relationships, but they are characterized by perceptual and cognitive distortions, as well as eccentricities of behavior. It's not that they don't want relationships, but they often have significant problems relating to others. Often, they are superstitious, preoccupied with paranormal phenomenon and subject to magical thinking. An example is the phrase, "Step on a crack, break your mother's back."

Schizotypals can be found zealously reading horoscopes and some believe themselves to be psychic or telepathic. In addition to these odd behaviors, their speech, appearance and thinking is also somewhat off, ranging from vague to over elaborate or even stereotyped. Sometimes, they can display suspicious or paranoid ideation. In other instances, they may claim to experience unusual perceptual disturbances. Unlike people who are shy, their social anxiety is rooted not in low self esteem but in their paranoia and perceptual disturbances.

Antisocial Personality Disorder: "The Con Man"

Two words - Bernie Madoff. The man flat out lied to his best friend that he had nothing to worry about the night before his ponzie scheme hit the fan. Contrary to popular belief, being antisocial doesn't mean you don't want to go out and schmooze. Antisocial behavior is characterized by a blatant disregard for and violation of the rights of others. The smart ones manage to stay out of jail, but the less artful sociopaths often have a legal history for repeatedly performing activities that are grounds for arrest, including assaultive behavior.

Able to come off as extremely charming, they'll smile at you while lying through their teeth and will even employ multiple aliases in order to con unsuspecting victims for their own personal gain or pleasure. Antisocials are often impulsive and rarely plan ahead, recklessly disregarding not only the safety of others, but their own as well. As a result of their cavalier attitude, they fail to honor financial obligations and display difficulty maintaining any sort of steady employment.

It's not that these guys lack judgment. They know right from wrong - they just don't care. A serial killer when interviewed in a maximum security ward was asked if he felt any remorse for killing his victims. Without batting an eyelash, he coolly replied, "Do you feel guilty when you kill a fly?" So, long story short, if you're an Eskimo and someone is trying to sell you a refrigerator for your igloo, you may want to hang onto your wallet a little tighter.

Borderline Personality Disorder: "She loves me, she loves me not, she loves me, she wants to kill me..."

Every guy has dated one, and every guy remembers the roller coaster ride that was the experience. When Shakespeare wrote, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned," he was in essence describing the Borderline. One minute she is smiling sweetly at you and in the blink of an eye, the same woman is replaced by a seething cauldron of anger. Borderlines tend to exhibit patterns of intense (and as a result) unstable relationships where they vacillate between extreme idealization and extreme devaluation. They break up to make up and make up to break up. This volatile behavior is rooted in a markedly unstable sense of self and the frantic need to avoid real (or imagined) abandonment.

People with this personality type often have difficulty controlling their anger as demonstrated by explosive outbursts of temper, frequent arguments and even physical violence. Sometimes they can become so enraged or paranoid that they seem to take on multiple personalities. Prone to impulsive behavior, they either spend too much, sleep with the wrong people, use drugs, or engage in binge eating to name a few.

The lengths that Borderlines will go to in order to avoid being left behind run the gamut from checking their partner's cell phone logs, to hacking into their email, or even stalking them outside their homes. One friend of mine actually had to permanently leave the country to get away from his Borderline ex-girlfriend, while another had to call the police to forcibly remove a Borderline that he had rejected from his apartment. She then retaliated by accusing him of raping her on a public website, knowing that this would harm his reputation.

Unable to understand how this unstable behavior only serves to further distance people, the Borderline often describes feeling empty and regularly attempts suicide or suicidal gestures and repeatedly engages in self-mutilating behaviors, sometimes as a means of cornering people into staying with them. "If you leave me, I'll kill myself."

Histrionic Personality Disorder: "Pay attention to me!"

The Life of the Party. The Social Butterfly. The Drama Queen. These titles describe those characters who are excessively emotional and attention-seeking. Unable to tolerate situations where they are not the center of attention, Histrionics display a rapidly shifting and shallow expression of emotions. As they tend to use physical appearance as a way to get others to notice them, their interactions with others are often characterized by inappropriate, seductive or provocative behavior. Melodramatic and theatrical, their speech often lacks substance or detail. Histrionics are also easily suggestible and influenced by others. Often times they consider their relationships to be more intimate than they actually are.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: "Do you have any idea WHO I am?!"

One of the most unpleasant variants of personality disorders to deal with, Narcissists are self-important and entitled, with a constant need for admiration as well as a lack of empathy for others. Because, they believe themselves to be superior to the rest of the world, they expect to be recognized as such, and if they are not, they respond to this narcissistic injury with extreme anger that can border on being vengeful.

Narcissists particularly enjoy making other people look bad in order to make themselves appear superior and believe they can only be appreciated by others who are of the same caliber as themselves. They demand and expect special treatment, for example, wanting only the best doctor to treat them, membership at the most exclusive club, etc. They expect to be seen for appointments even if late, because they are just so important and because others should simply acquiesce to their whims.

Due to their exceedingly fragile sense of self esteem, they require almost constant admiration and often have fantasies of unlimited success, power or brilliance. Narcissists lack the ability to empathize with others and frequently exploit others to achieve their own ends. Extremely arrogant and haughty in demeanor, they are often envious of others, or conversely, they suspect that others are jealous of them.

Avoidant Personality Disorder: "The Painfully Shy One"

It's exactly what the name suggests - these people avoid things that involve significant interpersonal contact because they fear criticism, disapproval or rejection. The central assumption they make is that they are so intrinsically flawed that it is only a matter of time before people discover how defective they are and reject them. As a result, Avoidants are unwilling to get involved with others unless they are guaranteed to be liked (which, let's face it, isn't very realistic). When they do manage to enter into some sort of intimate relationship, they can't help but hold back because their fear of being ridiculed is so great.

In social situations, Avoidants experience extreme discomfort and a preoccupation with being criticized or rejected. If they can muster the will to enter into a new relationship, their behavior is significantly inhibited due to feelings of inadequacy. Typically their self esteem is quite low and they view themselves as socially inept, unappealing or inferior to others. Avoidants will take great pains to pre-empt humiliation by shunning situations or activities that could prove embarrassing. Often they present in therapy due to complaints of failed relationships.

People who have dated Avoidants describe being blindsided by a breakup when they thought everything was fine. Paradoxically, the closer an Avoidant becomes to a partner, the greater the threat of rejection and in order to avoid being abandoned, they abandon their partner. Regrettably, despite their fear of being in a relationship, Avoidants do desire them and experience great distress at their inability to maintain one.

Dependent Personality Disorder: "The Needy One"

Submissive and clingy, Dependents have a constant need to be taken care of that is rivaled only by their fear of being separated from their caretaker. This behavior arises from the fundamental belief that without another person they are unable to function adequately. Indecisive, they cannot make even the most mundane of decisions, requiring a great deal of advice or reassurance on what to wear, what to eat, where to go, etc. They are typically quite passive and readily hand over control to another person who they see as taking responsibility for their lives. This caretaker figure can be a parent, friend, significant other, or even an employer.

Due to persistent fears of being rejected or abandoned, Dependents have significant difficulty in expressing disagreement, especially towards those on whom they are reliant. In fact, they will go to extreme lengths in order to obtain support from others, even if it means doing things they do not like or find highly unpleasant. When alone, they feel helpless and if one caretaker relationship is lost, they will immediately seek out another to replace it, even if it means tolerating abuse. Unable to do anything of their own volition, they have difficulty initiating projects or working independently because they believe themselves to be so utterly helpless and inadequate.

Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder: "The Perfectionist"

One of the worst personality types to have to work with - the fabled "Type A's". Rigid, inflexible, and often annoying, these people are sticklers for rules, order, and control, usually at the expense of openness and efficiency. That guy who spends five hours reworking his essay even though it was due two hours ago and puts his team behind because he needs to get it "just right". The office supervisor who micromanages, constantly backseat driving over your shoulder. Often times they focus so much on the minutia of what they are doing that the original point of the activity is lost. Oddly enough, despite their devotion to perfection, time is poorly allotted, with the most important tasks left until the very last moment.

Many are workaholics and will shun leisure activities altogether. If they do engage in recreation, it must be functional or productive in some way, so these people don't know the meaning of a good time. In addition, people with OCPD (not to be confused with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) are excessively conscientious and inflexible in matters of morality, ethics or values and they hold others to the same stringent standards that they set for themselves. Usually, they are their own worst critic, if not someone else's. They also tend to be cheap and sometimes engage in hoarding behavior. Unwilling to delegate tasks to other people, they prefer to work alone and will even reject offers of help because they believe no one else can do the job right.