Hips Don't Lie: Understanding the Unspoken Language of the Human Body

By Dr. Eun Paik | Published February 19^th, 2010, 11:47 AM

Despite the heavy emphasis on speech as the primary form of communication, astonishingly, only 30% of language is verbal, if that, and while the mouth can lie, the body has considerably more difficulty in doing so as actions tend to speak louder than words. From the way a woman sits to the way a man shakes hands, the human body can communicate thousands of subtle signals to the watchful observer. Not only can these observations be used to determine what a person is really thinking, body language can also be used to put people at ease or conversely, send an unspoken message to stay away. Discerning what a person's body language conveys about them is not all that different from understanding what their speech says. All that is required is careful observation and some patience.

The Expressive Face

Human facial expressions tell a great deal about the owner's emotional states and thoughts. A furrowed brow indicates concern or anxiety. A clenched jaw muscle or tight neck cords signify anger or tension. A tight-lipped smile that does not reach the eyes denotes that the smile is not genuine. A true smile will result in a rise of the brows and a slight narrowing of the eyes.

A person's intentions can also be discerned from how they make eye contact. In the business gaze, the focus is on the small triangle created by the eyes and the forehead. This creates an air of seriousness and so long as your gaze does not drop below the level of the eyes, you control the interaction. The other person's gaze can also be directed using an object, such as a pen, in order to maintain their attention. In the social gaze, the area of focus is the triangle created by the eyes and mouth. The intimate gaze drops even further to below the neck. This gaze usually denotes an interest in the other person (breasts for men, the crotch for women). If the gaze is returned, this implies that the feeling is mutual. In order to foster a positive interaction, it is best to maintain eye contact 60-70% of the time. If appearing interested is important, the thoughtful position is with the chin lightly resting on one hand, the head slightly tilted. Leaning on the hand indicates boredom and frank inattention.

A sidelong glance can mean one of two things. If paired with a raised brow and a smile, it indicates flirtatiousness. If coupled with furrowed brows and closed body posture, this indicates hostility or a critical attitude.

Even the pupils can provide useful information about what's on another person's mind. There is a reason why top poker players like to wear dark sunglasses when they play. When humans experience something pleasurable, the pupils will dilate. When they experience something unpleasant, the pupils constrict. This bit of knowledge is useful if one has to maintain a poker face in the context of a phenomenal hand or if one wishes to discern if a certain female is pleased by his attentions.

Creating Comfort

How you use your body can have a profound effect on the way others will respond to you. Take for example, the concept of personal space. The distance ranges from over 12 feet in the public zone, to 4-12 feet in the social zone, to 1.5-4 feet in the personal zone. The most guarded zone is the intimate zone, the space 16-18 inches around the person. Within this zone is the most protected zone of 6 inches or so that can only be entered for physical contact - the close intimate zone. A common mistake made by many eager to socialize is the invasion of another's personal space. As a result, someone who is not a friend, lover, or family member will be viewed as an unwelcome intruder looking either to engage in sexual activity or initiate aggression. The resultant outcome is typically a defensive posture and a compensatory pulling back to recreate the encroached space. If you wish to make someone new feel comfortable around you, be mindful of respecting their personal boundaries.

Another interesting observation is that if you wish to make others more agreeable towards you, imitate their behavior. For example, if you are on a job interview with a prospective employer and he steeples his fingers a great deal, subtly mirror the gesture. This imitation is perceived on an unconscious level as an agreement with what is being said and the only thing the person may be aware of is feeling more relaxed around you. If you notice others mirroring your actions, it can be an indication that they like and accept you as well. Another way to build a sense of openness and trust is to note that a person is sending signals that are closed and slowly incorporate opening gestures. This involves having the arms out at the sides with the palms facing up to indicate lack of aggression or intent to deceive. If personal space is respected and a friendly gaze is used, this will lead to a lowering of defenses.

A Glance or a Stance?

A person's posture can also reveal a great deal about their internal state. If the body is closed, the mind is likewise. A person wishing to facilitate a positive interaction will demonstrate an open posture. This involves having their palms up which indicates that they are nonthreatening and not locking their arms or legs together. Someone leaning on a doorframe conveys the impression of being haughty or condescending. The hands on both hips can be a sign of aggression. If the chest is puffed out and the chin is thrust out, this indicates that the person is ready for confrontation because they have exposed their heart and throat, signaling a readiness to fight. A person who is hunched over with their ankles crossed and their arms across their chest appears uncomfortable and this position indicates a wish to be left alone. Displays of the thumb infer an air of superiority. Often times, to hide their dominant attitude, people will hide their hands with only their thumbs protruding. This is usually combined with rocking back and forth on the balls of the feet in order to create the impression of greater height.

Another way in which posture is telling is that the body faces where the mind is focused. If someone is talking to you and their body is facing the door, though they may feign interest with their face, what they really want is to leave. Two people engaged in a conversation will indicate that another is not welcome by having their bodies directly facing one another. If a third member is welcome, they will turn their bodies slightly towards the person to show that they have been accepted into the conversation. Also take note of where the feet are pointed, as they can also be indicators of a target of interest.

If interaction is unwelcome, a person has many ways of denoting that they are not to be approached. This is usually accomplished by the use of various barriers. Placing both arms or even just one across the chest indicates discomfort or uncertainty. Locking the leg at the ankles while standing or seated also relay the message that the person is not in a receptive mood. The use of purses, laptops, folders and other objects also create barriers to approach.

The Language of Mating

Of particular interest to many is deciphering courtship behavior. When animals wish to attract a mate, they engage in long, elaborate rituals and human beings are no different - we just happen to be unaware of what our mating behaviors are. A simple act such as a woman passing a man on the street can be quite informative about how the people react to members of the opposite sex. Both people may be somewhat slouched, their heads bent, but when they pass a member of the opposite sex, a momentary change occurs in their posture. Their backs straighten, their chests are thrust out and their heads are held high.

Both men and women display what are referred to as "preening" gestures. For the man, this involves straightening his tie, smoothing his clothes or hair, perhaps even fiddling with his cufflinks. The obvious sexually aggressive male will approach the female with his thumbs hooked into his belt, highlighting his genitals. The hands on the hips denote a readiness to become involved with the woman as well as accentuating his size. His interest in her can be seen in the fact that he has one foot pointing at her and usually the intimate gaze is held a split second longer than usual. When seated, he may sit with his legs apart in order to draw attention to his crotch.

As men have fewer courtship gestures than women, the bulk of their skill at courtship comes from being able to read the receptive or rejecting gestures of their audience and to respond in kind. Female behaviors include tossing the hair, or having one thumb hooked through the strap of their purse to denote confidence. Exposed wrists and throats indicate receptiveness as these are delicate areas that the owners feel safe exposing. Rolling or swaying the hips while walking draws attention to the pelvic area. A sideways glance over the shoulder is often the initiating act in a courtship ritual.

Though many men fancy themselves the initiators of the interaction, they in fact had to wait for the unspoken go ahead from the woman by her making fleeting eye contact either in a sidelong glance or a look stolen over their shoulder. Holding the gaze slightly longer confirms her receptiveness to his approach. Lipstick, wetting the lips or having the lips slightly parted indicates a sexual readiness. Fondling a long thin object also divulges what the woman is thinking unconsciously. Other signs of interest include sitting on one leg and leaning in with the head tilted to one side or dangling a sandal off the end of the toes. The leg twine is also used to indicate sexual interest. A woman sits with her legs crossed, but her top leg is pressed against the one underneath to give the impression of high muscle tone which signifies a readiness for sexual performance.

And Finally...

The last thing to bear in mind when observing body language is that, in and of themselves, these individual signs and behaviors mean very little. It is when they occur in clusters with other like signals that they become telling. The fact that a person has their arms crossed over their front may not denote hostility, but the fact that they are cold and trying to keep warm. On the other hand, if that same person is looking at you down their nose with their body turned away, it's more likely that they're not so pleasantly disposed to you.

References:
The above information was culled from the book, Signals, by Alan Pease.